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Rosemary

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[27 Jul 2016|06:44pm]
me keboard is messed up.

the letter b4 z doesn't work, so i just spell a lot of things funnie now (or sometimes i use the spellchecker to fix it and put it in 4 me). r is also gone, but i copie and paste it in, which makes tieping kind of annoying. also some of the number kes don't work and v is starting to go.

i am waiting until after big brother is over to get it fixed tho because i chat a lot with fellow fans and need the laptop to watch the livefeeds, etc. so don't want the laptop to be in the shop during bb season. which i know is kind of idiotic but whatever - that's me.

me life is just bb, other tv shows, sims, chilling with the cats, and resting a lot.
31 comments|post comment

[01 Jul 2016|06:44pm]
I don't have anything to say but I wanted to pop in to say hi!
3 comments|post comment

ten quick things [15 Jun 2016|08:16pm]
So let's see, what's going on with me....

1. Relieved to have finished my WisCon write-ups. I enjoy doing them and am glad they are useful to others, but it took a lot of energy this year so I'm glad I got them all done.

2. I'm transitioning from my post-con obsession into my Big Brother obsession. Cast interviews are up, so I'm learning about the new cast and gradually going back into my usual fan haunts to greet old friends and see what's what for the new season. The show comes back next week so I'll be deep into it soon.

Three. My keyboard isn't totally functioning and you can see which number isn't working properly there. Also the y and r keys are so-so. I find myself sometimes copy and pasting them as I type. Ugh.

4. Had my annual lunch with my dad last week. It went better than usual, but still kinda relieved to have it out of the way for the year again.

5. Same day, my step-sis-in-law gave birth. I'm excited and not sure when I'll get a chance to meet the new fella, but looking forward to it.

6. My brother has rejoined facebook and is posting a lot about my nieces, which is a huge joy. I miss seeing them in person more often tho.

7. Orlando makes me hurt. I've written more on tumblr, twitter, and FB about it, so we'll just leave it at that for now here.

8. Physically am pretty beat down, but mentally/emotionally I'm doing good. It's a balance, I guess.

9. Still missing my Cleo girl on a daily basis. But loving the stuffings out of our Shisky and Sheldon buddies.

10. IDK. How are you all?
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WisCon 40 Panel Write-up Link Post [05 Jun 2016|05:55pm]
And now, an end to the spam as I collect links to all of my panel write-ups and other posts all in one place for further linkage.

Feel free to link to this, or any of the posts individually. And feel free to comment here or wherever you found the link from initially - whichever you prefer. I hope this was helpful for folks.

And please point me to other panel write-ups - either of these panels or of ones I didn't personally get to.

my pre-con about me post

my post-con how I do social media post

General Post-con Wrap-up post

Panel Notes:

When Villains Are Our Only Representation (or how I learned to stop worrying and love the baddie)

Body Positivity and the Disabled Body

Critiquing Bootstraps, Positive Thinking, Diet and Exercise

Female Friendship in Fiction


Intersectionality and Other Words Taken from Women of Color


Bi Invisibility

Polyamory Won't Fix Your Love Triangle

There Is No Aging Out Of Fandom

Is Rey a Mary Sue?

Super Girls and Women in TV and Movies


Women Loving Women on TV
7 comments|post comment

WisCon 40 Panel Write-up Women Loving Women on TV [05 Jun 2016|03:12pm]
Panel note disclaimers and clarifications:

1. I only use the names of panelists and moderators as listed in the program book (or as corrected/specified by panelists themselves before the panel). If you want your name removed, changed, or linked to any online identity (or added if I forgot you) please let me know.

2. I do not name or link to audience members, even if I personally know who they are, because I want to err on the side of safety. Please let me know if you need to be credited for a comment, or wish to be linked to as the person who said the thing.

3. My notes are always incomplete. I take them for myself primarily and love to share what I got, but I absolutely miss stuff and get stuff wrong. Corrections and additions are welcome!

4. If I mess up a pronoun or other important info, please lmk! I will fix it immediately.

5. I add my own thoughts and feels in [] - if you see something in my panel report in [] that means it was not part of the panel, just stuff that happened inside my own head during the panel.

Special disclaimer for panels I was on:

1. I don't take much in the way of notes while I am paneling and I have a crap memory, so these notes will be even less complete than normal.

2. I always appreciate feedback, critique, even criticisms of how you think that panel went and specifically how I can better panel and/or mod in the future - you can do it publicly or privately, whatever you are most comfortable with. I thank you for sharing your thoughts with me!


Women Loving Women on TV

The 100, Arrow, Black Sails, Blindspot, Defiance, Empire, The Fosters, Jessica Jones, How to Get Away with Murder, Lost Girl, Orphan Black, Person of Interest, Pretty Little Liars, The Vampire Diaries, and The Walking Dead are just a few shows that have depicted major female characters as lesbian, bisexual, or otherwise romantically and/or sexually interested in other women in the past year. This trend is exciting, so let's dig in to how these shows are succeeding or failing at representation and what we want to see more of in the coming seasons.
M: E. Cabell Hankinson Gathman. Elizabeth Guzik, Renee I, Rosemary / Sophy(gurl)
#womenlovingwomen for twitter

notes under cutCollapse )
3 comments|post comment

WisCon 40 Panel Write-up Supergirls and Women in TV and Movies [05 Jun 2016|01:53pm]
Panel note disclaimers and clarifications:

1. I only use the names of panelists and moderators as listed in the program book (or as corrected/specified by panelists themselves before the panel). If you want your name removed, changed, or linked to any online identity (or added if I forgot you) please let me know.

2. I do not name or link to audience members, even if I personally know who they are, because I want to err on the side of safety. Please let me know if you need to be credited for a comment, or wish to be linked to as the person who said the thing.

3. My notes are always incomplete. I take them for myself primarily and love to share what I got, but I absolutely miss stuff and get stuff wrong. Corrections and additions are welcome!

4. If I mess up a pronoun or other important info, please lmk! I will fix it immediately.

5. I add my own thoughts and feels in [] - if you see something in my panel report in [] that means it was not part of the panel, just stuff that happened inside my own head during the panel.


Super Girls and Women in TV and Movies

Supergirl. Jessica Jones. And Peggy! The 2015-2016 season brought us three explicitly feminist, female-led superhero shows. They join the women of Flash, Arrow, Legends of Tomorrow, Gotham, Constantine, Daredevil, and Agents of SHIELD. Both Marvel and DC have caught flack for the lack of female protagonists in their films (will we EVER get a Black Widow movie?), but Agents of Shield has given us several women to root for on the small screen, and we'll be getting a Wonder Woman movie soon, so it's not all bad. How are these shows and film series doing with our beloved female heroes? How do they fit in with or challenge the genre? How do they engage with feminist discourse? How do they succeed or fail on topics like race and sexuality? What are our hopes for the future?
M: Joanna Lowenstein. Kris Mayer, Jessica Plummer, David J. Schwartz, Jennifer Margret Smith
#tvsuperwomen for twitter

notes under cutCollapse )
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WisCon 40 Panel Write-up Is Rey a Mary Sue [04 Jun 2016|03:45pm]
Panel note disclaimers and clarifications:

1. I only use the names of panelists and moderators as listed in the program book (or as corrected/specified by panelists themselves before the panel). If you want your name removed, changed, or linked to any online identity (or added if I forgot you) please let me know.

2. I do not name or link to audience members, even if I personally know who they are, because I want to err on the side of safety. Please let me know if you need to be credited for a comment, or wish to be linked to as the person who said the thing.

3. My notes are always incomplete. I take them for myself primarily and love to share what I got, but I absolutely miss stuff and get stuff wrong. Corrections and additions are welcome!

4. If I mess up a pronoun or other important info, please lmk! I will fix it immediately.

5. I add my own thoughts and feels in [] - if you see something in my panel report in [] that means it was not part of the panel, just stuff that happened inside my own head during the panel.

Is Rey a Mary Sue?
Yes, and it's about damn time. Let it all out. This panel is for catharsis and joy.
M: Anika Dane. Jess Adams, Becky Allen, Renee I, Suzanne Walker

notes under the cutCollapse )
2 comments|post comment

WisCon 40 Panel Write-up There is No Aging Out of Fandom [04 Jun 2016|02:25pm]
Panel note disclaimers and clarifications:

1. I only use the names of panelists and moderators as listed in the program book (or as corrected/specified by panelists themselves before the panel). If you want your name removed, changed, or linked to any online identity (or added if I forgot you) please let me know.

2. I do not name or link to audience members, even if I personally know who they are, because I want to err on the side of safety. Please let me know if you need to be credited for a comment, or wish to be linked to as the person who said the thing.

3. My notes are always incomplete. I take them for myself primarily and love to share what I got, but I absolutely miss stuff and get stuff wrong. Corrections and additions are welcome!

4. If I mess up a pronoun or other important info, please lmk! I will fix it immediately.

5. I add my own thoughts and feels in [] - if you see something in my panel report in [] that means it was not part of the panel, just stuff that happened inside my own head during the panel.

Special disclaimer for panels I was on:

1. I don't take much in the way of notes while I am paneling and I have a crap memory, so these notes will be even less complete than normal.

2. I always appreciate feedback, critique, even criticisms of how you think that panel went and specifically how I can better panel and/or mod in the future - you can do it publicly or privately, whatever you are most comfortable with. I thank you for sharing your thoughts with me!

There Is No Aging Out Of Fandom
Too often we'll encounter the phrase you're so old! Or You're too old to be a fangirl. Fuck that noise, we're not going anywhere because we're not wee kids just dipping our toes into our chosen fandoms. Let's discuss this ridiculous idea like the mature adults we are, along with other aspects of our experience as aging SF writers and fans, and/or such topics as how SF/F has handled aging.
M: Tanya D.. Sigrid Ellis, JP Fairfield, Inda Lauryn, Rosemary / Sophy(gurl)
#agingandfandom for twitter

notes under the cutCollapse )
4 comments|post comment

WisCon 40 Panel Write-up Polyamory Won't Fix Love Triangle [03 Jun 2016|10:04pm]
Panel note disclaimers and clarifications:

1. I only use the names of panelists and moderators as listed in the program book (or as corrected/specified by panelists themselves before the panel). If you want your name removed, changed, or linked to any online identity (or added if I forgot you) please let me know.

2. I do not name or link to audience members, even if I personally know who they are, because I want to err on the side of safety. Please let me know if you need to be credited for a comment, or wish to be linked to as the person who said the thing.

3. My notes are always incomplete. I take them for myself primarily and love to share what I got, but I absolutely miss stuff and get stuff wrong. Corrections and additions are welcome!

4. If I mess up a pronoun or other important info, please lmk! I will fix it immediately.

5. I add my own thoughts and feels in [] - if you see something in my panel report in [] that means it was not part of the panel, just stuff that happened inside my own head during the panel.


Polyamory Won't Fix Your Love Triangle

We all get sick of love triangles in our fiction. We often find ourselves wishing the characters in these triangles, and other assorted shapes, would just go poly and love each other freely. But we also know that poly just doesn't always work like that in reality. Not everyone has the propensity towards polyamory. Sometimes the genders and orientations just don't match up. And very often, some of the characters who are in love with the same person couldn't stand to be in the same room together even before they fell for the same person—much less attempt an honest and intimate relationship together. Are there good dramatic (or comedic) reasons to employ love triangles? What other ways could we attempt to fix them? Do they need fixing? How would making them poly change them?
M: Debbie Notkin. W. L. Bolm, Ariel Franklin-Hudson, David D. Levine
#nomorelovetriangles for twitter

notes under the cutCollapse )
2 comments|post comment

WisCon 40 Panel Write-up Bi Invisibility [03 Jun 2016|08:31pm]
Panel note disclaimers and clarifications:

1. I only use the names of panelists and moderators as listed in the program book (or as corrected/specified by panelists themselves before the panel). If you want your name removed, changed, or linked to any online identity (or added if I forgot you) please let me know.

2. I do not name or link to audience members, even if I personally know who they are, because I want to err on the side of safety. Please let me know if you need to be credited for a comment, or wish to be linked to as the person who said the thing.

3. My notes are always incomplete. I take them for myself primarily and love to share what I got, but I absolutely miss stuff and get stuff wrong. Corrections and additions are welcome!

4. If I mess up a pronoun or other important info, please lmk! I will fix it immediately.

5. I add my own thoughts and feels in [] - if you see something in my panel report in [] that means it was not part of the panel, just stuff that happened inside my own head during the panel.


Bi Invisibility

People who love and are attracted to people of more than one gender often get left out of the LGBTQ discussion. Our letter is in there, but not our views. "Bi people" often includes those who are gender fluid, non-binary, or pangender as well. Assumptions are made about us based on our gender presentation and current partner. Let's talk about myths, lies, and the truths about bisexuality.
M: Lou Hoffman. Angela Blackwell, W. L. Bolm, Elise Matthesen, also Tanya D. was originally on the panel - had taken herself off due to overbooking herself - but put herself back on when she realized that otherwise the panel was all white. (Thank you Tanya!!)
#biinvisibility for twitter

notes under the cutCollapse )
8 comments|post comment

Wiscon 40 Panel Write-up Intersectionality and Other Words Taken From Women of Color [03 Jun 2016|06:16pm]
Panel note disclaimers and clarifications:

1. I only use the names of panelists and moderators as listed in the program book (or as corrected/specified by panelists themselves before the panel). If you want your name removed, changed, or linked to any online identity (or added if I forgot you) please let me know.

2. I do not name or link to audience members, even if I personally know who they are, because I want to err on the side of safety. Please let me know if you need to be credited for a comment, or wish to be linked to as the person who said the thing.

3. My notes are always incomplete. I take them for myself primarily and love to share what I got, but I absolutely miss stuff and get stuff wrong. Corrections and additions are welcome!

4. If I mess up a pronoun or other important info, please lmk! I will fix it immediately.

5. I add my own thoughts and feels in [] - if you see something in my panel report in [] that means it was not part of the panel, just stuff that happened inside my own head during the panel.

Intersectionality and Other Words Taken from Women of Color
In conversations about intersectional feminism, we often forget that the term itself was created by Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw, a black woman, for the express purpose of addressing the ways in which sexism and racism work together — specifically against black women in the US legal system. Mainstream (largely white) feminism has a history of minimizing or erasing the contributions of women of color, particularly black women. Flavia Dzodan, Audre Lorde, and Alice Walker are just a few examples. Intersectionality has become an important part of WisCon's feminist identity, but how can we claim to be intersectional if we don't make a point to continually lift up the voices of the feminists and womanists of color who have contributed, and continue to contribute, so much to the movement?
M: Chesya Burke. Mikki Kendall, Amanda Emily Smith - also added Jackie Gross to the panel
#wordstakenfromwoc for twitter

more under the cut tagCollapse )
1 comment|post comment

WisCon 40 Panel Write-up Female Friendship in Fiction [02 Jun 2016|10:40pm]

Panel note disclaimers and clarifications:


1. I only use the names of panelists and moderators as listed in the program book (or as corrected/specified by panelists themselves before the panel). If you want your name removed, changed, or linked to any online identity (or added if I forgot you) please let me know.

2. I do not name or link to audience members, even if I personally know who they are, because I want to err on the side of safety. Please let me know if you need to be credited for a comment, or wish to be linked to as the person who said the thing.

3. My notes are always incomplete. I take them for myself primarily and love to share what I got, but I absolutely miss stuff and get stuff wrong. Corrections and additions are welcome!

4. If I mess up a pronoun or other important info, please lmk! I will fix it immediately.

5. I add my own thoughts and feels in [] - if you see something in my panel report in [] that means it was not part of the panel, just stuff that happened inside my own head during the panel.

Female Friendship in Fiction
How often do we see women being friends with other women in our fiction? How often do we see it depicted realistically with all of its glories and pitfalls? How often does it pass the Bechdel test? Why are so many female-female relationships seen as frenemies instead of friendships? So many stories, even ones with strong female protagonists, focus more on female-male and male-male relationships than on female-female ones. Let's share some examples of books, movies, TV shows, and more that give us good examples of female friendship—and critique some of the ones that don't.
M: Becky Allen. Jess Adams, Nivair H. Gabriel, Naomi Kritzer, Effie Seiberg
#femalefriendshipfic for twitter

[Finally a panel I was not ON and therefore have some decent notes for! I'm bad at getting all the rec's down, so do check the twitter tag if you want more!]

Notes under the cutCollapse )
4 comments|post comment

WisCon 40 Panel Write-up Critiquing Bootstraps... [02 Jun 2016|08:51pm]

Panel note disclaimers and clarifications
:

1. I only use the names of panelists and moderators as listed in the program book (or as corrected/specified by panelists themselves before the panel). If you want your name removed, changed, or linked to any online identity (or added if I forgot you) please let me know.

2. I do not name or link to audience members, even if I personally know who they are, because I want to err on the side of safety. Please let me know if you need to be credited for a comment, or wish to be linked to as the person who said the thing.

3. My notes are always incomplete. I take them for myself primarily and love to share what I got, but I absolutely miss stuff and get stuff wrong. Corrections and additions are welcome!

4. If I mess up a pronoun or other important info, please lmk! I will fix it immediately.

5. I add my own thoughts and feels in [] - if you see something in my panel report in [] that means it was not part of the panel, just stuff that happened inside my own head during the panel.


Special disclaimer for panels I was on:


1. I don't take much in the way of notes while I am paneling and I have a crap memory, so these notes will be even less complete than normal.

2. I always appreciate feedback, critique, even criticisms of how you think that panel went and specifically how I can better panel and/or mod in the future - you can do it publicly or privately, whatever you are most comfortable with. I thank you for sharing your thoughts with me!


Critiquing Bootstraps, Positive Thinking, Diet and Exercise
We've all heard the messages: if you're poor, disabled, and/or fat you shouldn't be, you can fix it if you want, and so if you don't you're bad. Let's discuss the intersections of class, disability, and size — and perhaps deconstruct some of the myths surrounding them. (It's okay to be, you can't always change it, and you're not bad!)
M: Rosemary / Sophy(gurl). Gerri Balter, Kate Carey, Sarah Frost
#critiquingbootstraps for twitter

So, it was late, and I'd already done two panels, and there was a noisy Hamilton sing-a-long going on across the hall, and so this panel ended up being very loose and very audience participation heavy and just sort of a fun venting space for folks to discuss the intersections of class, disability, and size.

I DO want to make an apology, as moderator, that I failed at a thing. I failed to note other intersections - specifically race - and their further impacts and affects on these things. It hit me after the panel that I neglected to do that, and I'm sorry for the lack. I think there is specific value in talking about these three things together because they are treated so similarly and the connections that run through them are so interesting, but yea, even a comment about how race further impacts the discrimination faced by poor, disabled, and fat people would have furthered the conversation. I wish I'd done the thing.

That noted - I take even fewer notes when moderating than when paneling, but here goes a few general impressions at least:

- I started off the panel sort of summarizing the description as asking three questions - is it bad do be these things? is it possible to change out of these things? so then can we blame people for being these things?
-- I quickly added that I assumed we could all agree that sometimes it's bad but mostly just because of the way society treats us, people do sometimes move out of these things but that doesn't mean everyone can or that anyone has to, and obviously no we shouldn't be blaming people ugh.
--- So therefore the real questions are about how we can change society's treatment of us, what the difference between moving between these states and "fixing" or "curing" them is, and why people feel the need to moralize about them so much in the first place. I believe a robust discussion evolved from that.

- Sarah told a funny story at the start of the panel about a co-worker who yelled out "it's not worth it!" when she went for what the co-worker saw as an unhealthy snack choice in the break room. This came back to the discussion a few times as a handy example, which did culminate in a hilarious bit about "just being angry enough at the sugar" when we got talking about why people feel so free to comment on our bodies/life choices. The gist being that people are scared of catching the fat, or the chronic illness, or the poverty - so to convince themselves that they won't, they decide that their choices are better. So, if they can just manage not to make the same choices that WE do, they'll be fine. And since these states are seen as a moral pitfall - we should all want to get out of them - and therefore we should also want their advice. Hence, yelling at someone not to eat the sugar will help them to be a better person.

- Another great line was Kate's when discussing the phenomenon of folks taking poor and disabled people to task because they believe they are paying us in the form of taxes giving us benefits. Her response to this was: "why don't you go marshal the troops in Afghanistan then, since your taxes are paying for that too?"

- There was great discussion about the connections between class, disability and size - both as far as links being caused (it's hard to take care of your health when you have no money) and links not being caused (you cannot directly correlate size and health).

- Some good stuff about capitalism being the culprit for discrimination among all 3 groups.

- Lots and lots of cathartic griping about how difficult it is to navigate services for poor and disabled folk, as well as some sharing of helpful tips of how to do so.

- Lots of good cathartic venting about the different ways people perpetuate the myths of bootstrapping, and the equivalents of positive thinking for disabilities and diet and exercise for fatness. For instance - we're all pretty sick of being told to do yoga and eat kale. "Have you tried..." "Let me stop you - yes."

- I ended things asking for ideas how to change things for the better, because I love putting my panelists on the spot in the last 5 minutes by going "okaynowhowdowefixit?" muahahaha. I got, in return, some great stuff about being more understanding of one another and gently correcting loved ones when they say/do hurtful things and I feel like some more resources were thrown out there but I didn't manage to write them down so again - folks who were there - please feel free to add on to this!
2 comments|post comment

WisCon 40 Panel Write-up Body Positivity and the Disabled Body [02 Jun 2016|06:06pm]
Panel note disclaimers and clarifications:

1. I only use the names of panelists and moderators as listed in the program book (or as corrected/specified by panelists themselves before the panel). If you want your name removed, changed, or linked to any online identity (or added if I forgot you) please let me know.

2. I do not name or link to audience members, even if I personally know who they are, because I want to err on the side of safety. Please let me know if you need to be credited for a comment, or wish to be linked to as the person who said the thing.

3. My notes are always incomplete. I take them for myself primarily and love to share what I got, but I absolutely miss stuff and get stuff wrong. Corrections and additions are welcome!

4. If I mess up a pronoun or other important info, please lmk! I will fix it immediately.

5. I add my own thoughts and feels in [] - if you see something in my panel report in [] that means it was not part of the panel, just stuff that happened inside my own head during the panel.


Special disclaimer for panels I was on:

1. I don't take much in the way of notes while I am paneling and I have a crap memory, so these notes will be even less complete than normal.

2. I always appreciate feedback, critique, even criticisms of how you think that panel went and specifically how I can better panel and/or mod in the future - you can do it publicly or privately, whatever you are most comfortable with. I thank you for sharing your thoughts with me!

Body Positivity and the Disabled Body
Body acceptance and positivity movements contain some very worthy goals. However, living in a disabled body can make those goals more complex and confusing. Physical symptoms of pain and fatigue can make anyone feel negative about their body sometimes. Some conditions cause drastic and unwelcome changes to the body — making acceptance more difficult. And many disabilities require excessive focus on the bodily condition due to constant treatments, accommodations, and sensations. How do we, as disabled people, engage with body acceptance and positivity movements? What insights do we bring to the table? How can our voices in these movements create positive changes for everyone striving to accept and love their bodies?
M: Elizabeth Roy. Kate Carey, Claire Light, Rosemary / Sophy(gurl)
#bodypositivitydisability for twitter

- Our moderator Elizabeth had a kind of cool intro where she acknowledged having a conversation about disability in an abelist world and advised the audience that it's okay if they have to get up and leave, lay down on the floor, pace, or whatever makes them more comfortable. She also defined some terms and attributed this all to disability activist Lydia Brown. (if anyone took more specific notes - please share!)

- One thing we talked about was skin hunger, with Kate especially discussing how using her scooter seems to cause a physical barrier to touch - people are less likely to hug her, for example. This is a legit concern for people with lots of disabilities - we literally need physical touch. See studies about skin hunger.

- Johanna Hedva's Sick Woman Theory was brought up, especially in regards to intersections of disability and gender and race.

- Also brought up is the book The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma with the note that it is "trigger city" because it delves into trauma and it's affects on the body.

- Some discussion about how body positivity campaigns often focus on how a body looks, when what disabled people need is often more positivity about how our bodies feel.

- I talked specifically about the feeling of failing at body positivity when I'm feeling negative about my body and it's symptoms and limitations.

- We got into ideas of curing vs. accepting our bodies as-is and how that's a different kind of positivity, but also how it can be difficult to do a lot of the self-care involved in body acceptance when disabled.

- Claire talked about the Western Cartesian ideas about the mind/body split and about how she finds it important to think of her body as part of herself, not something separate.
-- I countered that while, yes, that makes lots of sense, for me personally I find dissociating from my body when it's in pain to be helpful and that it helps me to take better care of my physical self if I separate it out because very often my physical and mental needs are at odds with one another. For example, coming to WisCon means not taking very good care of my body, but it's essential for my emotional and mental well being. [I thought about this later when taking my body to the hot tub in lieu of doing another panel - like "okay body I'm doing this for you, if you do this other thing for me" - the kind of thought processes that help me to live with my limitations]

- Elizabeth brought up the difference between that kind of dissociation and dissociation due to trauma, and I agreed that doing it purposefully because of pain vs. it happening to me because of PTSD triggers is a totally different kind of sensation.

- Claire had a lot of wonderful things to add about being disabled and a woman of color, specifically with being a woman of color who sometimes "passes" as white and with having invisible disabilities and how those identities can affect one another.

- Kate had some super interesting things to add from the perspective of someone who is dying.

- And, oh gosh, my memory is failing me but it was a great conversation that the audience added a bunch to as well, so I hope some folks will add to this thanks!!
2 comments|post comment

WisCon 40 Panel Write-up When Villains Are Our Only Representation [02 Jun 2016|02:20pm]
Panel note disclaimers and clarifications:

1. I only use the names of panelists and moderators as listed in the program book (or as corrected/specified by panelists themselves before the panel). If you want your name removed, changed, or linked to any online identity (or added if I forgot you) please let me know.

2. I do not name or link to audience members, even if I personally know who they are, because I want to err on the side of safety. Please let me know if you need to be credited for a comment, or wish to be linked to as the person who said the thing.

3. My notes are always incomplete. I take them for myself primarily and love to share what I got, but I absolutely miss stuff and get stuff wrong. Corrections and additions are welcome!

4. If I mess up a pronoun or other important info, please lmk! I will fix it immediately.

5. I add my own thoughts and feels in [] - if you see something in my panel report in [] that means it was not part of the panel, just stuff that happened inside my own head during the panel.


Special disclaimer for panels I was on:


1. I don't take much in the way of notes while I am paneling and I have a crap memory, so these notes will be even less complete than normal.

2. I always appreciate feedback, critique, even criticisms of how you think that panel went and specifically how I can better panel and/or mod in the future - you can do it publicly or privately, whatever you are most comfortable with. I thank you for sharing your thoughts with me!

When Villains Are Our Only Representation (or how I learned to stop worrying and love the baddie)
As marginalized peoples (poc, queer, trans, women, disabled, etc.), we learned at a young age that people like us in fiction were often the villains of the story. How did this affect and shape our idea of ourselves? Is it okay to appreciate the villain in a story? Can loving the Big Bad be a form of radical self love? Do we like it when a villain like Maleficent or Catwoman becomes the hero of her own story? What do we hope Peggy Carter does with Dottie Underwood? Is Dolores Umbridge more loathsome than Voldemort? Is Peridot a villain at all? And is anyone more badass than Azula?
M: Susan Ramirez. Caroline Pruett, Rosemary / Sophy(gurl)
#villainsasrepresentation on twitter

This panel benefited greatly by the additions of Alexandra Erin and Tanya D. who stepped up from the audience to make the panel more representative of the groups who often only get represented by villains. We the original panelists had hoped greatly that someone(s) from the audience would do this, so thank you thank you thank you to these two for doing it! (Alexandra's addition was especially poignant as she was wearing her Maleficent costume at the time)

I also want to note that this panel was (at least) 2 panels mushed together and I wrote up parts of the panel description myself in response to some conversations at last year's WisCon about the topic of villains as representation. As a queer disabled genderqueer smallfat cis white lady - I have lots of feels about some aspects of this and also recognize that I cannot possibly speak from experience about some other aspects of it. Also I just love villains. In general.

I apparently did not write down ANY notes from this panel, but here goes some overall stuff I can sort of remember that we talked about:

- the "othering" of villains, especially with visible cues, as a way to let audiences know to watch out for this character going back to the origins of visual storytelling
-- however, when the way to "other" a villain is by giving them a visible disability or disfigurement, making them fat, making them a marginalized race or ethnicity, coding them as queer or trans, etc. = leads to horrible stereotyping and perpetuation of discrimination against these people
--- not to mention how it feels to grow up seeing yourself primarily as a villain - what does it do to us to grow up relating to villains??

- discussions of how villains can certainly be fun to watch, but we aren't meant to emulate them or root for them to have a happy ending

- ways to have marginalized villains without it being awful include:
-- don't make the one black/queer/fat/etc. character in your story be the villain - if your story needs a marginalized villain, include more characters from the group that are NOT villains!
-- don't make the heroes in the story all straight white cishet abeled dudes either
-- don't give the villains who are gay the negatively stereotyped gay tropey attributes, etc. for poc/disabled...
-- have a wide variety of representation just generally speaking so that we're not always seeing ourselves in negative ways or as the Always Evil character

- I talked some about Hays Code (and someone else mentioned that similar existed for games, books, tv, etc.) and how that is STILL affecting storytelling today in regards to making the queer characters the villains. it was initially the only way to GET queer representation but now it's a trope that exists and is still used as shorthand.

- some discussion about sliding scales of villainy and how we're trained to see some types of villains as less or more bad than others
-- but how even then fandom will embrace a villain who is supposed to be seen as a Complete Monster type if he's an attractive white dude (examples: Grant Ward, Kilgrave)

- stuff about what makes us relate to villains including giving them a good backstory, having a connection to the hero in some way, seeing our own negative traits reflected back at us = having sympathy for them
-- especially in cases where the villain has been oppressed by society and is fighting back - even if that villain has gone too far with their revenge or is fighting the wrong people, we sympathize with them whether we are meant to or not.
-- sometimes this is not the case, though, such as the Straw Feminists in Veronica Mars - both their side and the side of the frat boys who turned out not to be the rapists but were perpetuating rape culture were seen as despicable by the narrative [I have FEELS about this]

- I have Faith circled a whole buncha times in my notes, so apparently we discussed her quite a bit and I was agreeing with what was said, but I can't remember atm - OH - yes - some of it was about how a woman having any kind of sexual agency villainzes her. this ALSO goes back to Hays Code stuff (women who have sex outside of marriage had to be punished in some way)!

- we talked about why Dolores Umbridge is hated so much more than Voldemort
-- discussion of women often being the ones enforcing patriarchy - the ones we have to interact with on a personal basis, so we have stronger feelings against them/can relate to going up against them vs. more nebulous anger at the ones in power
-- also some about how she, specifically, was punished in the narrative vs. male villains [can include Rita in this too]

- we talked about loving when the villain gets an origin story - sometimes that makes them more sympathetic (such as Maleficent where we see her side of the story and believe she was in the right) and sometimes it still positions them as the villain but we at least know WHY they did the things they did (such as Anakin/Vader)

- I think I snuck my love for Anakin in there somewhere, KNOW that I talked way too much about Spike, and Disney villains came up a lot - specifically Scar and Ursula.

- When talking about the phenomenon about fandom wanting to redeem Kilgrave/ship him with Jessica and the grossness of that, I am super legit grateful for the audience member who kinda defended it in the way of, like, people have personal reasons for shipping things sometimes too. Because, yes, Spike is hella problematic and his relationship with Buffy is hella problematic and I have been called a bad feminist for liking him/shipping them but sorryno. I acknowledge all of the grossness, but have Reasons for why his character and their relationship also speaks to me so YES. Sorry I sometimes jump on shipshaming - I do not mean to.

Both parts of this panel - about marginalized villain representation - and about just loving villains period - are things I could personally talk about/listen to people talk about for hours and hours. So I hope these panels keep popping up at future WisCon's - and also please let's talk about it online because I never want to stop talking about the importance of depictions of villains yaya!!!
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WisCon 40 [01 Jun 2016|04:45pm]
This was my 6th and favorite WisCon yet. I finally hit a good balance of taking care of my physical needs while allowing myself to do as much as possible. I had my local crew of close friends to decompress and touch base with, lots of other friends and acquaintances to say hi to all over the place, and met oodles of new awesome people. I was on the right amount of panels that all went well, and never left a panel I attended thinking "geeze, I really wish I'd gone to something else instead". I learned a lot, laughed a lot, and felt empowered a lot. I experienced almost no impostor syndrome which blew my mind. I was able to go into social spaces by myself and feel comfortable even if I didn't talk to anyone. I never felt especially stressed or traumatized or angsty. I just ... IDK, it was a great balance of things that just clicked well and made me happy.

In fact, when anyone asked me how I was doing my answer was "exhausted but happy" because I was.

Things started on Thursday as my pals and I got checked in to the hotel. I had decided this year not to do the outside-of-hotel stuff because of spoon allotment and that was the right choice, but I spent some time in the lobby meeting and greeting folks.

Shayla had her 40th bday celebration up on the 6th floor and I knew that she was likely to be late due to dinner plans and other things, so I made sure to be a presence up there in case folks stopped by and had an enjoyable time once people started showing up celebrating my awesome friend's existence on this planet. I left early-ish for important resting reasons, tho.

Friday started off with meeting my mom in the Starbucks in the lobby for some caffeine and catch-up time. I was so excited to finally be sharing this important part of my life with my mom, who taught me my feminism from infancy. We got her registered and she sat and chilled for awhile as I ran around the Gathering greeting ppl and then on to my back-to-back first 2 panels of the con: Villains as Representation and Body Positivity and Disability (I'm summarizing the titles, will come back for panel write-ups later). Mom had to sneak out towards the end of the second one, but still so awesome to have her there! :)

I "napped" for dinner (I'm not a napper, but it was kind of like the FOB - Flat on Back - times we used to have at camp where I just needed some quiet time and space to hang out on my bed and chill) and did not make any of the 9pm panels, but managed to drag myself to the panel I modded which was about the intersections of class, disability, and size. It was very loosely structured with lots of audience participation and lots of fun/cathartic.

I then did sleeps, because I wanted to get to morning panels the next day.

I did not make it to the 8:30am panel sadly, but did get to Female Friendships in Fiction which led to some fun hallway-con time after. I rushed to get some lunch - actually leaving the hotel but only to Michelangelo's across the way. They are a cash-only place and when I realized I was $1.50 short the guy was like "you guys are here and awesome every year, don't worry about it" which was amazing. So thanks to all the big tippers b4 me who made that possible!

I ate my lunch quickly and managed to finish just in time for the panel about Intersectionality and other words taken from WOC which was just so so so good - I learned a shitton. Then on to Bi Invisibility which was also awesome, Poly Won't Fix Your Love Triangle which went a hell of a lot better than I initially imagined it might, and then I had some much needed hot tub time and a rest.

Also got to share pizza and social time with an awesome group up in the trans/genderqueer space. So happy that place exists now!!

I usually miss the vid party because it's scheduled against other parties and interesting panels and stuff and it's one of those things I personally can't just jump in and out of because I need comfy seating, so this year I made sure to get there early and got a comfy chair in the back and it was so enjoyable. I got super sleepy and only made it thru the first half, but that meant I made it thru the premieres and the first of two sing-alongs, so that was ok. I got real emotional a lot and was glad we were sitting in the dark where my tears weren't visible. I also got really pumped up a few times where these vids were reminding that I still have some power despite all of my limitations and I needed that SO. BADLY.

Sunday I slept in missing both the 8:30 and 10am panels. But I got up in just enough time to caffeinate for my Aging and Fandom panel - which I spent mostly nodding emphatically at my fellow very smart panelists. Sorry I didn't have a ton of quality to add - they all just did it for me, mostly!

Off to Is Rey a Mary Sue and then Supergirls on TV and Movies which were both so emotional and inspiring and wonderful and I can't wait to write them up because WOW.

Ordered food from my fave local pizza place (Pizza di Roma) which does not deliver out to the far east side and happily enjoyed my food and rest time before making appearances at the Roborrific and By the Bi parties. I missed the 10pm panel I wanted to go to because I'd started coloring a page and couldn't stop half-way through because OCD. I did not stay very late to the parties because sleep needed to happen.

Monday, I got to and through my Women Loving Women on TV panel without stumbling over my words sleepily tooooo much, got packed up and checked out and reserved room for next year, thought seriously about sending my stuff home with Angie and staying around, but decided I needed to get home.

The cats were very happy to see me and are pleased to be back to our normal routines now, as am I.

Overall, loved all of the conversations I had, enjoyed the twitter-con that always happens simultaneously, got lots of hot tub time in which made my body much happier with the ways in which I was pushing it too hard, and am feeling very pleased and socially/mentally/emotionally/philosophically/spiritually/politically fed rn.

I totally missed seeing some ppl that I usually see each year - either because they didn't come this year or because we just didn't run into one another - but that was balanced by spending more time with some folks I'm newly getting to know better too. IDK. You just can't do EVERYTHING with EVERYONE in a matter of 5 days no matter how hard you try. But it was glorious all the same.

Next up: panel write-ups.
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[31 May 2016|02:34pm]
My annual post-WisCon how I use social media post so folks can find me in the various places and know how I use them can be found here. It's info for anyone, not just con folk!

I will be doing panel write-ups and con report stuff soon too. I'll start the posts here, make a master post with the links to them all, and then link that post all over. Just FYI.
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Con Is Upon Us [23 May 2016|04:32pm]
WisCon is just a few days away now, so amidst packing and getting my panel notes together, I thought I should do my annual “about me” post:

1. My badge and booklet name me as Rosemary / sophy(gurl) reflecting both my first name and the handle(s) I go by online. You may call me either one and I’ll respond. I’m also okay with mixing rl and online identities, so it’s okay if you call me Rosemary online or sophy in person, etc.

2. I have mild prosopagnosia (facial blindness) and also my memory has gone to crap between my health conditions and the meds I use to combat them - so I very likely will forget your name or other pertinent info at some point, even if we’ve met multiple times before and we’ve been social media friends for ages, and I will also very likely have to look at your name badge a lot to remind me how your physical appearance matches up with who you are. It’s not you - it’s me.

3. I have a plethora of health issues which keep me fairly well homebound most of the time. WisCon is one of those rare times when I push myself super hard to be as social and active as possible because it’s necessary for my mind and soul. But I need lots of breaks, and will be sitting down any chance I get. In fact, I’ve decided not to leave the hotel at all this year, so if you wanna do meals or drinks with me at all - plan to to do it in-hotel. I also tend to skip big crowd events like GoH speeches and parties and stuff, so come socialize with me in smaller groups please!

4.I use female pronouns, and ID as a cis genderqueer woman. I won’t be at all offended if you use gender neutral pronouns for me, tho.

5. I like touch (hugging, rubbing my shaved head, etc.) but it’s a good idea to ask first.


Panels I’m on:


* When Villains Are Our Only Representation (or how I learned to stop worrying and love the baddie) on Friday at 2:30–3:45 pm in University B

* Body Positivity and the Disabled Body on Friday at 4:00–5:15 pm in University B

*Critiquing Bootstraps, Positive Thinking, Diet and Exercise on Friday at 10:30–11:45 pm in University B (moderating this one)

* There Is No Aging Out Of Fandom on Sunday at 1:00–2:15 pm in University C

* Women Loving Women on TV on Monday at 10:00–11:15 am in University C
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TV Stuffs [23 Mar 2016|06:39pm]
I'm just gonna copy and paste this from my tumblr....

1. I am no good at doing things on any kind of regular basis. My chronic health issues being what they are, I just never know when I’m going to be up to doing a thing and when I’m not. It’s very hard to plan. So then my OCD gets worked up, and I go through periods of time of being very rigidly scheduled and regular about things when able to - to being totally wrapped up in just one or two things and letting everything else fall by the wayside. So anyway, that’s why I’m sometimes on tumblr nonstop for days and then disappear for a few days, etc.
It’s also why I’ve decided to drop my sideblog for reccing stuff. I’m going to go back to just doing any recs I have right here mixed in with all my other junk, and using the tag “sophy recs stuff”.

2. I’ve once again updated my shows I watch page if anyone is curious where my TV habits are leading me these days in a complete view: http://sophygurl.tumblr.com/tvshows

3. Here are some new shows that will be premiering soon that I’m considering watching:
The Catch - premieres tomorrow, March 24th, on ABC. I’m a little confused about why Shonda Rhimes is doing such a white hetero show with a male and female co-lead. I keep wondering where all the poc and queer folk are at, but it still looks good, so I’ll still definitely check it out.

Wynonna Earp - premieres on April 1st on Syfy. Wyatt Earp’s descendant fights supernatural forces?? Yea, I’ll watch that.

Game of Silence - premieres on April 7th on NBC. It’s a thriller about a group of childhood friends who have a dark secret. David Lyons and Michael Raymond-James are among the stars who caught my interest enough to decide to give it a shot. Plus, I love a good thriller.

Hunters - premieres on April 11th on Syfy. It’s a crime/supernatural drama directed by TWD’s Gale Anne Hurd. That’s enough for me. I’ve been really enjoying Syfy’s new resurgence of solid syfy/fantasy programming lately, so hopefully this and Earp will give good showings too.

The Last Panthers - premieres on April 13th on Sundance. It’s a heist/crime drama, which is enough to get me to tune in.

Containment - premieres on April 19th on The CW. The story is about a group of people who are stuck in quarantine together during a contagion of some sort. David Nutter directs and Julie Plec writes for this limited series. Starring are Trever St. John, Claudia Black, and Chris Wood, among others.

Houdini & Doyle - premieres on May 2nd on FOX. This is a fictional joining of historical figures Harry Houdini and Arthur Conan Doyle to solve crimes together. Stephen Magnun and Michael Weston co-star. I mean. I honestly don’t know about this one, but we’ll see.

4. Here are some returning shows starting back soon that I’m super stoked about:

Empire - March 30th
Banshee - April 1st
Outlander - April 9th
Fear the Walking Dead - April 10th
House of Lies - April 10th
Orphan Black - April 14th
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - April 15th
12 Monkeys - April 18th

5. Some currently airing shows that I’m MOST excited about and into and want to rec to you fine folks include:

Blindspot - on NBC continues to make me question and wonder, which is a great thing.

Dancing With the Stars - on ABC of course, this show continues to keep me obsessed and wanting more. (I’m a lil disappointed that Len is back tho???)

The Family - on ABC, this is a new thriller with a great cast that’s pretty intriguing so far about a family that lost their young son/brother 10 years ago. He mysteriously returns to them… but it’s not entirely clear if it’s really him. Trigger warnings for child abuse, of course, as well as for substance abuse.

Limitless - on CBS. I started this as a casual watch, but I’m getting more and more invested in Brian Finch and his drama. The show is put together well, with a lot of humor, and enough heart to keep it endearing. The Ferris Bueller episode is still my favorite. Also the one where he sends Mike and Ike off on separate missions.

Lucifer - on FOX. Tom Ellis is doing a fantastic job as Lucifer Morningstar in this comic-based show about Lucifer taking a vacation in L.A. and learning all about humanity. Laura German (who I miss deeply as Leslie Shay in Chicago Fire) plays opposite him as a police detective who he’s decided to partner with in solving crimes. For some reason, she is immune to his tricks and temptations (and her young daughter adores him), and finds herself often irritated and occasionally amused by him - never believing what he says about himself being the actual devil. Kevin Alejandro plays her ex, also a detective. Lesley-Ann Brandt plays Mazikeen, a demon who followed Lucifer out of hell and, while bound to protect him, is angry with his forays into humanity and just wants them both to get back where they belong. D. B. Woodside plays Amenadiel, an angel who is desperate to get Lucifer back to hell. And hilarious Rachel Harris plays the therapist that Lucifer has chosen to have sessions with - his temptations have worked on her, but she does her best to give him insights into his psyche anyway. It’s a fun little show that is starting to gain more and more emotional depth as it goes.

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. - on ABC - I mean holy wow how sad was that scene in the bar in Parting Shots u guys?

Outsiders - on WGN. You guys, I cannot say enough about this show. It’s amazing. It’s ridiculously engaging and riveting and I am thoroughly obsessed with it. It’s about a large clan, The Farrells, who live on a mountain in the Appalachians, the townsfolk down below, and the large coal company trying to evict The Farrells. Yes, it’s ripe with some stereotypes of the area, but The Farrell family are not supposed to be true-to-life, as evidenced by the slightly supernatural element of the leadership of the community (the show is unclear yet how much of this is supernatural and how much superstition but they are hinting hard that there is more going on than we can see so far). Let me just say this - if you liked Sons of Anarchy, or Justified, or Banshee - you should tune in to this interesting new drama.

Sleepy Hollow - on FOX, feels like it’s finally coming back into it’s stride a bit more. Ichabbie better be coming soon.

The Walking Dead - on AMC, and which just continues to get more and more intense and scary. I’m Team Family, and Team Richonne all the way.

You, Me, and the Apocalypse - on NBC. This hour long comedy about an asteroid hitting earth while a diverse group of people who somehow all end up together in a bunker for the end are running around trying to accomplish certain things before the asteroid hits is pretty good. There’s Rob Lowe as a priest in love with the nun sent to help him find the new Messiah, there’s Jenna Fischer and Megan Mullally as escaped prisoners on the run together, there’s a general and his (secret) boyfriend genius who are in charge of coming up with plans to try and save the earth, and there’s Karla Crome who has been married to both men of a set of twins - one evil and one good - and whose daughter just might be the Messiah the church are looking for. They’re all tangled up together in both hilarious and touching ways, and I can’t wait to see how it ends (pun intended).
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stuff about me [16 Mar 2016|09:12pm]
So let's see.

Still enjoying the cats, and they seem to feel fully comfy with this as their home and us as their people (although Sheldon still runs away a lot as if he's scared he was doing something wrong and we're gonna yell at him, hopefully as we continue NOT to yell at him, he'll calm down eventually). Sheldon is still more attached to Dave, and Shisky to me, but they're slowly working up to being closer to both of us in their own ways. If I bend down and ask for kisses, Sheldon will touch noses with me which is adorbs. He also likes for me to chase him, so he'll do this funny run a little and look behind him thing to get me to do it. Shisky comes up to knead and nuzzle on me while I'm reading or watching TV, and he likes to sleep on my feet which I love. They think my primary function is to play with them and they will sit in the living room next to their toys and look up at expectantly several times a day, and of course I oblige them - how can I not? Their relationship with each other is funny, too. They go back and forth between loving grooming and vicious wrestling, and they are constantly sticking their noses in each other's butts. SMH. Cats, man.

Been going to various doctors for this constant nausea I've been dealing with for a couple of years now. It's just not going away and seems to be getting worse, even. I went through this seriously uncomfortable gastric emptying study last week, but haven't heard anything about results yet.

I finished the Outlander book series - just the regular books - 8 very large tomes. Now I'm starting in on the smaller John gray series that goes along with it, and the other little novellas and things attached to the series. I'm almost all caught up on Patricia Brigg's Mercyverse, just have a short story and graphic novel and then her newest book that just came out yet to go. And I've just started Robin Hobb's Farseer trilogy.

Saw Deadpool yesterday - it was hilarious. I was a bit worried about the 60ish yo man and woman sitting next to me in the theater - like, did they know what this movie was, would they be offended by all the dirty jokes and gratuitous violence? But they were laughing along with everyone else, which just made the experience all that much better. Next movie I'll likely make it to the theater for will be Captain America: Civil War.

TV shows I'm especially into right now include The Walking Dead, How to Get Away with Murder, and Outsiders. That's just a very tiny sampling.

aaaand that's all I've got.
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