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updateything [02 Mar 2014|05:46pm]
Oh hi.

I see LJ is still here. Sorry that I, uh, keep forgetting that.

I'd write a whole thing about how I plan to catch up soon and do better from now on, but we all know I'm lying. I mean, I'll try. But clearly I've having LJ block issues these days. I miss you people and hearing about your lives - but I just don't have much to say myself?

I mostly use tumblr now, and that's mostly for fandom stuff. Occasionally I'll make a short personal post, but not often. That's a whole mishmash of a place and I'm still really into it.

Then sometimes I use FB just for small updates and am slightly better over there at reading posts than here because it's all shorter and less important so I feel okay just skimming and skipping. Whereas here I feel I owe it to everyone to really read and reply to posts.

Every now and then, I remember that twitter exists and use that for a short while, but don't count on me catching your tweets for sure.


Anyway, it's been a rough winter - my house has been full of injuries, illnesses, and exacerbations of pre-existing conditions. I had to miss a friend's birthday, my niece's birthday, and lots of other stuff. This laptop is saving my life, though. Or at least my sanity.

Mostly my brain is focused on the Veronica Mars movie which is in less than two weeks! So excite! Much happy! And on the many TV shows I am currently obsessed with. And my cat, who continues to glue herself to my side all day long.

Shayla just cut some cake so I must now off to cake. Leave me comments with how you are, if you want! I'd love to know!
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Menstrual Cravings [16 Jan 2014|12:50am]
Currently craving:

* BK veggie burger and a large fries
* Chocolate cake
* Sloppy lentils
* Potato chips
* Pizza
* Fettuccine Alfredo with broccoli
* The entire menu of The Green Owl
* Scrambled tofu
* Mocha
* Chocolate milkshake and waffle fries

Days until my period is set to start: 1

Number of things I'm craving that I can actually get: 0
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January catch-up [13 Jan 2014|08:38pm]
Ooops, I haven't posted since before I left for Christmas!!

Let's do a numerical list post and try to remember as much as possible to tell you folks:

1. Christmas was good. Spent Christmas Eve and Day with my mom and step-dad. We watched the first Hobbit movie on Christmas night. It was okay. The next day, everyone else (step-sis, step-bro, step-bro's fiance, bro, sis-in-law, 2 nieces) came over and we had the big celebration day. Flowerniece, the younger one, got over her shyness super quickly and easily this time - having just seen us all a month earlier. At just over 3 years, she's hit that stage of falling into tantrums a bit easily and had a couple about present opening ("just one more! I need ONE MORE!"). But I had some positive quality times with her, too. She's not as snuggly as her older sis, so I always ask first before hugs and other touches, but I did get a couple of nice hugs from her, which was sweet.

Then, monkeyniece, the older one, spent a couple of extra days with us (us being me, my mom, and step-dad). We all went to breakfast the next day with my step-sister and spent some time socializing with her, which was nice - don't get to see her often because she's busy being a grad student in NYC. Had oodles and oodles and oodles of fun with the niecey. She's a super affectionate girl and feels such a bond with me, and I feel so lucky to have gotten so many big hugs with her, she sat in my lap while we watched the first Harry Potter movie, and she basically just drained me of energy with all of the playing we did! I don't get enough time with those girls, but I'm so glad that I get as much as I do. They are growing up entirely too fast.

The day we trekked out to drop monkeyniece off back at home and then me back at my home, also happened to be a family friend's 60th wedding anniversary. These are friends from the town I spent the first ten years of my life in, and I hadn't seen them in quite a few years - since my mom's wedding, I think. So we made an appearance there and we got to show of monkeyniece - they were excited to meet one of my brother's kids.

Spent a few minutes visiting with sil and flowerniece when we dropped of monkeyniece. Flowernice was not shy AT ALL having just seen us two days ago and was excitedly showing me all of her new toys the way monkeyniece used to at her age. :)

Finally, home again to the cat, roomies, and Shay who'd been staying at our place over the holidays and into the new year. Had a pretty low key new year this year, as none of us were feeling very well.

2. In fact, the new year rang in for me with a migraine that lasted nine days. My longest yet - with the previous longest one having been four days. My fibro doc, who treats my migraines as part of my chronic pain, wasn't in the office when I finally gave in and contacted his office - but I ended up going in to my primary care doc a few days later. By then, the migraine was over, and she didn't want to give me anything new, since - as she said "my case is complicated" and since I'm already on so many medications, but she did go over some options with me. I'll probably double-check them with my fibro doc since he's the one who sees me most regularly, but there's a few things I can try. She also said if they continue to get progressively more frequent and longer-lasting, as they have been, then I might need to be put on a preventative medication. Wheee - more meds to take every single day.

3. Since my family got me started, finally, on that first Harry Potter movie, I also finally got around to watching all the others. I marathoned them in a few day's time and am now re-reading the books. I liked the movies okay - it's exciting to get to see some of that stuff on the big screen and the three main actors are so adorable. But I like the books so much more. I get that movies have to leave things out - you just can't incorporate everything from a book into a different, shorter, medium like that. But I feel like they did not emphasize the importance of Neville nearly enough at all - which was a big thing for me in my first reading a year or so back. Also the house elves and treatment of other magical creatures was barely touched on. Anyway, I'm glad I finally saw them and will probably have another go once I finish my re-read.

4. One of the best things about finally getting on tumblr, for me, has been discovering and becoming part of the Veronica Mars fandom over there. When I joined tumblr in the spring, all of the excitement and buzz about the movie was still pretty new and so I was finding lots of posts about it to reblog and started adding other fans to my dash, etc. Then there was the 30 days meme this fall where I wrote a meta piece each day(ish) and found via the tags all kinds of other people doing the same meme and we got all excited about each other's meta and discussion and gifs and wheeeee! December had another meme, and while I didn't participate in that one due to lack of energy/time, I still had fun adding other/more fun new fans of the show who were doing it. And now with all of the movie news coming out all the time, it seems there are more new fans all the time or old fans getting back into it and finding each other again. So I've got this little crew of folks (hey! I added some of you here! hi!) all excited about the same thing and .... it's awesome.

I haven't really DONE fandom much before this. I've been a huge massive fan of things, and joined LJ communities and talked with small groups of friends, etc. And, yea, I guess I do fandom with Big Brother since I join chat rooms and follow forums and stuff for that. And of course WisCon has a big fandom element to it.

But tumblr just makes it so easy to throw yourself into a fandom. Multiple fandoms, really, because I'm following over a hundred people and they're certainly not all Veronica Mars fans. But that's the one I've connected the most with so far, and I'm really loving it. I love the squeeing and silliness factors, I love being forced to analyze stuff really closely and state my thesis on why I view something in a certain light, and I love how just a bunch of people of all ages and backgrounds from all over the world who are just all really excited about this one thing can get to know one another so well so quickly.

I know. I know. Most of are you like "uh, I figured this out 20 years ago - where have YOU been?" And the answer is - I've been mildly fandoming about lots of things and only now throwing myself into one with wild abandon.

There are also quite a lot of Buffy fans on my dash (many are, of course, fans of both, but some of the Buffy ones are dedicated Buffy blogs), and then smatterings of other fandoms here and there, some social justicey focused stuff, cute and funny and sexy stuff, and of course some of you folks that I know personally via other places in life (from here initially, WisCon, etc.).

So it's a mix of stuff and I'm having loads of fun, but I admit that the Veronica Mars fandom is kind of eating me whole right now, and I don't see that stopping any time soon with the movie coming out in two months! (btw - how excited am I about the movie? SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited!)

5. Obviously, still watching lots of television. Lots of shows coming off hiatus now - a combo of fall-spring season shows and spring-only shows and off-season shows that slip into these spaces where not everything is back on the network channels full-force. Hopefully, I'll get to making a post about this season of TV before the season is over!

6. I've started the Outlander series, sort of accidentally. When I was at my mom and step-dad's over Thanksgiving, I accidentally brought a book along to read that I'd already read and since I didn't have the laptop yet, that didn't leave me with much to do during down times (especially since I get to sleep much later than the folks). So my step-dad loaned me a book he had just finished, which happened to be Outlander - the first in the series. I ended up loving it and finished it really quick. I've got the second out from the library now - along with a stack of other books! IDK if any of you have read the series or not, but as it's a big one and they're turning it into a TV series later this year, I figured I'd mention it.

7. Speaking of sex (what, there's a lot of it in that book), I had a delicious sex dream the other night about someone I actually know - which is rare for me. Usually, I have those kindsa dreams about made-up dream-people or very occasionally a fictional character or famous person. This one has got me all flustered because I never saw this person in that light before and now I'm having trouble going back to seeing them the original platonic way even though I know dream-them is probably not real-them at all!

8. What else? My cat is still loving the laptop as much as I am, since it means I'm handy on the sofa for her to snuggle with much of the time now. She sits right up against my leg on one side or the other and sleeps for hours that way. Sometimes I'll be so engrossed in what I'm doing that I don't even realize she's come up by me and that I'm petting her. I'll be like "oh hi kitty! when did you get here? how long have I been rubbing your tummy while I scrolled?"

9. Been slowly regaining energy this month after the big trip and then the long migraine. Finally got a load of dishes done yesterday and made a hopeful to-do list for this week.

10. One last thing to make the list come out on an even ten - Dave finally got me started on Breaking Bad. Just the first episode so far, but I finally get the reference "fuck you and your eyebrows!"
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people and cat i live with [21 Dec 2013|04:46pm]
Things get wacky around here starting now. We've got a Shayla back today, tomorrow Dave returns from his trip to AZ, Tuesday I head to my mom's, Wednesday Dave goes to his parents, and then I know I come back the 28th - not sure when Dave gets back and when next Shay leaves and comes back again, but I'm referring to this time period as our revolving door or comings and goings!

The good thing is that Cleo won't be alone through all of this as Angie will be here the whole time and I think Shay will be around most of the time I'm gone. I worry about leaving my poor old lady cat these days, but I feel better knowing there are people around to take care of her.

I'm making progress on my list of stuff to do before I go. Mostly cleaning (which I'll just do as able each day - I have mighty goals but what gets done gets done), and then last minute stuff like packing.

I got all the family presents wrapped and stacked up in a couple of boxes for carrying purposes. I did decide to save a few of the gifts for the nieces aside for birthdays, which I know will come in handy. Still - they have four presents each and one that's for both of them from me - so yea, probably a good idea to hold back a few things. lol

2011111111111111111111111111111111111111201awwwwwwqe3w - that was from Cleo. She says - 3ev44-=12though -you have a screen thingie that lets you sit on the sofa with me, sometimes i still want you to close the damn thing and focus solely on me okay? i am not afraid to adjust the volume and brightness settings on your screen thingie if you don't - so you better listen. And so I shall...547777777777777777777777777jjjjjjjjjjjjj-0jhnmhMloOOOOOOOOOOOO - GEEZE CAT I SAID I WOULD. LEARN SOME PATIENCE. :)
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stuff to do b4 xmas [19 Dec 2013|03:34pm]
Christmas To-Do:

+ laundry, including my new (thrift store bought) winter coat which I'll have to air dry because it's not supposed to go in the dryer

+ sort my meds and other things to be packed

+ wrap all the family presents and either wrap or stow away the friend ones until able to visit with friends

+ dishes. all the dishes. also lots of other cleaning.

+ maybe get the energy up to decorate a little?

+ self-care and cat care

+ then on the 23rd-24th: shower, charge phone, pack, get a lot of kitty snuggles in

On the 24th, head to mom's for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The 26th is the big family gathering - and monkeyneice is staying behind at grandma's for a few days, so we'll have a couple of extra days with her! Then home to crash and maybe do a lil New Years Eve fun with the roomies and a couple friends. q233333300000477777777777777777 (SIGH, THAT WAS THE CAT WHO ALSO ALWAYS TURNS ON CAPSLOCK WHEN SHE2 10000000000000000000BGH9867/"''''FR SIGH STEPS ON THE KEYBOARD. THERE ARE ADVANTAGES AND DIS45]\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\4
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colds, christmas, cleaning [15 Dec 2013|08:02pm]
The cold is finally easing up. Just a tiny bit of stuffiness left - enough that if I only felt this without all of the preceding symptoms, I'd just have assumed it was allergies. So that's good.

I can't believe Christmas is a week and a half away!! I'm guessing I won't get to cards again this year after all, although if I have an energy surge, I suppose there is still some time left. I finally sorted through the gifts I bought on my outing last week and wowsers did I go overboard on the nieces!! Art sets, books, jewelery, stuffed animals, puzzles, small wooden musical instruments, etc. None of it was very expensive, but it's a lot of stuff. I'm pondering saving a couple of items back for future birthday gifts since I don't have as much for a bday budget as I do Christmas (since bdays happen year-round and every month is a lil different, whereas I can save up for Christmas all year and blow it all in one lump sum!). I also still need a few items for some folks - might have to figure a way to get out again before Christmas or perhaps hurry myself up and order some things online and hope for the best delivery-wise.

I'm happy I've been able to get decent gifts for folks again this year. Two years ago I couldn't afford to do anything but for the nieces and even that was sparse. And last year I just did family, and while I was able to do more for the kids - everyone else's were still pretty slight. But I feel like I've been able to go a bit nicer this year - which comes with it's own problems then. Because, say, I got something nice for X but only managed to find something sort of small and mediocre for Y then I feel like I need to shore that up a bit but since I rarely get out - it's kinda hard to do. Oh well, I'll figure it out.

Dave's been off since Weds. visiting a friend out of state (back again this Weds.) and Shayla hasn't been over in awhile because of my cold - so it's just been me and Angie and the cat. Been quiet, but then I've probably needed that quiet to recover.

I've been neglecting the cleaning in favor of my health the past two weeks, so that's been piling up even more than usual. Hoping tomorrow I can attack some dishes and maybe the bathroom. Did help Angie with the vacuuming today - mostly just picking stuff up out of the vacuum's path and moving stuff around so she get around things. That's one chore that's difficult enough for me that I delegate it out (that, cleaning the tub which is Dave's job, and then we all work on garbage together). At least doing the picking up for the vacuuming got some tidying done in and of itself - picked junk off the floor and organized my sofa/coffee table area a bit nicer. So that's something. We really need dishes done, tho. Gah, those pile up so fast! It's like we all eat or something. heh

BTW - still LOVING this laptop! :)
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christmas movies and specials [07 Dec 2013|05:54pm]
I admit it - I'm a nut for Christmas, especially Christmas movies and specials. Here's what I've got going so far this season...

Currently watching:
The Ref

Already watched:
Baby's First Christmas, Battle of the Bulbs, Call Me Claus, A Carol Christmas, Charlie Brown Christmas, Christmas Magic, Christmas Ornament, Christmas Wedding, Christmas with the Kranks, Crazy for Christmas, Dear Santa, Help for the Holidays, Hitched for the Holidays, The Holiday, Holiday Spin, Holiday Wishes, I'll Be Home For Christmas, It's Christmas Carol, Kristin's Christmas Past, Love at the Christmas Table, Love at the Thanksgiving Day Parade, The March Sisters at Christmas, Matchmaker Santa, Merry Daughter of the Bride, Mickey's Christmas Carol, On Strike for Christmas, The National Tree, Planes Trains and Automobiles, The Polar Express, A Princess for Christmas, Recipe for a Perfect Christmas, Road to Christmas, Scrooged, Shrek the Halls, Snow Bride, Surviving Christmas, The Thanksgiving House, The Three Gifts, Trading Places, The Twelve Trees of Christmas, Wishing Tree, A Very Brady Christmas, A Very Merry Mix-up, Window Wonderland, Winne the Pooh and Christmas Too

Recorded: 12 men oh Christmas, All About Christmas Eve, All She Wants for Christmas, Annie Claus is Coming to Town, Bad Santa, Bride for Christmas, Boyfriend for Christmas, Call Me Mrs. Miracle, Catch a Falling Star, Christmas Box, A Christmas Carol (2004, Kelsey Grammer), A Christmas Carol (2009, Jim Carrey), Christmas Choir, Christmas Crash, Christmas Cottage, Christmas in Boston, Christmas in Connecticut, Christmas Kiss, Christmas Miracle, Christmas Snow, Christmas Song, Christmas Spirit, Christmas Wish, Christmas with Holly, Comfort and Joy, Debbie Macomber's Mrs. Miracle, Debbie Macomber's Trading Christmas, Dear Secret Santa, Deck the Halls (2001, Gabrielle Cartier), Deck the Halls (2006, Danny Devito), Defending Santa, Diva's Christmas Carol, Die Hard, Die Hard 2, Elf, Eve's Christmas, The Family Holiday, The Family Stone, Fir Crazy, Frosty the Snowman, Holiday Affair, Holiday Engagement, Holiday High School Reunion Holiday Road Trip, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (animated short), It Happened on 5th Avenue, Karroll's Christmas, Jingle All the Way, Let it Snow, Lucky Christmas, The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, Mrs. Santa Claus, Mrs. Scrooge, Muppet Christmas Carol, Naughty or Nice (2002, Hillarie Burton), A Nanny for Christmas, The Night Before the Night Before Christmas, Nothing Like the Holidays, Perfect Holiday, Pete's Christmas, Prancer, The Santa Clause, The Santa Clause 3, A Season for Miracles, Sons of Mistletoe, This Christmas, 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, While You Were Sleeping, Will You Merry Me

Set to record: 12 Dates of Christmas, Angels Sing, Chasing Christmas, Christmas Belle, A Christmas Carol (1938, Reginald Owen), A Christmas Carol (1951, Alastair Sim), Christmas Carol (1999, Patrick Stewart), Christmas Consultant, Christmas Cupid, Christmas Do-over, Christmas Every Day, Christmas for a Dollar, Christmas in Conway, The Christmas Toy, Christmas Wedding Date, Different Kind of Christmas, Ebbie, Finding Christmas, Guess Who's Coming to Christmas, Home Alone, Holiday in Handcuffs, Holidaze, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (life action feature film), Just Where I Belong, It's a Wonderful Life, Merry Madagascar, Miracle on 34th St. (1994, Mara Wilson), The Mistle-tones, My Santa, Picking Up and Dropping Off, Remember the Night, The Santa Clause 2, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Scrooge (1935, Seymour Hicks), Scrooge (1970, Albert Finney), Secret Santa, Snowglobe, A Snowglobe Christmas, Stealing Christmas, Together Again for the First Time, When Angels Come to Town, White Christmas

Hoping to record: The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, Christmas Bounty, A Christmas Carol (1984, George C. Scott), Christmas in Wonderland, Four Christmases, Holiday Inn, It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie, Little Drummer Boy, Love Actually, Meet Me in St. Louis, Miracle on 34th St. (1947, Natalie Wood), Olive the Other Reindeer, Pluto's Christmas Tree (an animated short that appeared in a few different Disney specials but is hard to find), Santa Claus (1985, Dudley Moore), The Twelve Days of Christmas Eve, Undercover Christmas

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ten things in my life [06 Dec 2013|08:57pm]
Finally back to actually try reading posts! Did not realize it's been OCTOBER since I last did that - my flist only goes back as far as mid-Nov. but I tried to click and read through on some of your entries farther back than that to catch up. It was good to read how you've all been doing, and I'm so sorry to know that things have been rough for many of you.

I've a lot to update on myself, so lemme do a numbered list as I've found that makes it easier for me to organize my thoughts:

1. I HAVE A LAPTOP!!!!! Early xmas present from my mom and step-dad. They know how badly I've been needing something to connect to the net from the sofa or bed with and it is SO. Nice. to be able to do that now! It's new, and it's very nice - just basic stuff because I don't do any hardcore gaming or graphics work or anything of the sort. So it's simple, but it's got Windows 8 (I'm running XP on the desktop still) and I've got a nice lap desk to keep it on and that makes it very comfy on the sofa.

It's just so exciting and wonderful and now I can have access to the net and the games I like to play even when I go away from home. Aaaaannnnnd - my hope is that this will mean my keeping up to date with stuff a lil better since I can do so from the sofa where it's more comfy and where I can do it while watching TV a lil easier.

Dave kindly got it all set up for me and synched my firefox browser up with the desktop so all of my preferences and bookmarks and such came right over and when I change something on one - it changes on the other automatically.

I've been sick all week, so it's just been so nice to sit on the sofa watching Christmas movies and clicking on games or scrolling thru my tumblr dash.

Cleo keeps stepping on it tho, which is driving me bonkers! *-9- (see? she just did that and also pulled up the options menu and switched me to a different tab and scrolled down the page! arrrrgggggh!)

2. Thanksgiving itself was very nice. That evening, my mom and step-dad and I went out to eat at a local place (The Great Dane in Fitchburg) that had a T-day buffet. They had loads of vegetarian and vegan options and it was all so delicious! My fave was the lager mushroom gravy over their creamy mashed potatoes.

Friday, I mostly lazed about mom and step-dad's house while they did holiday prep and then Saturday everyone (step-bro and his fiancee, bro, sil, and nieces) came over. I had a blast with my nieces, as usual. Monkeyniece is getting so big and mature like a little lady. She still gives me lots of hugs and likes to play and color with me, which is nice. Flowerniece is still uber shy when she first meets us, but she gets over it quicker and once she's out of her shell - she is OUT - hams it up, screams like a banshee, jumps on the furniture, makes everyone laugh, demands attention, etc. I spent a bit of time splitting attention between the two but also managed to visit with the adults here and there. Sunday was computer shopping time and then home. :)

3. On Monday, my mom is coming to spend the day with me. I have a doc appt. but we're also going to do our big annual Christmas shopping trip. I have not started yet, so hopefully my energy lasts long enough to get a big chunk done.

Also hopefully this cold that I brought home with me doesn't linger through till then. My voice is all but gone and my face is a big ball of phlegm. I'm taking extra vitamins, putting raw garlic in all my food, doing salt water gargles all day long, and trying to drink lots of fluids between administrations of cough drops.

4. Christmas movies!! I've gotten very organized about it this year. I have a little notebook where I keep track of what I still need to record, what I've gotten, what I've watched, and little reviews to remind myself what I like most and least for next year. There are SO many Christmas movies and specials - with new ones coming out on multiple networks each year. And I just love them!

I haven't started decorating yet. I won't do the tree again this year because of how Cleo eats them - but I'll get some lights to put up and the non-tree decorations, and some ornaments up on hooks on the wall. Hopefully I will, anyway, if my energy levels allow me to.

Also still hoping to do cards this year, but we'll see. Right now I'm lucky to get my teeth brushed every day and a load of dishes done once a week.

5. TV shows, too. I'll try and do an update post of what I'm watching soon.

Oh, and books! And movies!

I spent about a month re-reading The Hunger Games series in preparation for the movie - reread all three of them several times. And then went to Catching Fire with friends opening weekend. It was AH-MAY-ZING. Maybe I'll make a post about that sometime too.

6. Still really enjoying tumblr a lot - forming some good communities of folks - especially a group of fellow Veronica Mars fans who are doing lots of fun metas and gifsets as we all freak out about the movie coming out (MARCH 14TH). And it's fun to have folks to talk with about any fandom or other interests I have.

I've never been great at graphics and don't really do fanfic, but I've found I have an affinity for meta. I like that tumblr is very into the meta, much as it's such a visual medium. But people are still happy to read long rambling thinky thoughts about fandom and pass them on and add to them and discuss things in tiny detail at great length. I like how preparing a good meta gets me thinking productively and creatively again. It's like working on a research paper for school - only it's about TV shows and books!

7. Because I'm sick, Shay isn't coming to our place this week. Our other friend that she stays with is finicky about catching things and since I've set a 3-day-ish limit on how long she can stay here - getting sick is problematic. Hopefully, I'll be feeling better by next week so she can come again. Especially since Dave will be gone from Weds. to the following Weds. - going to visit a friend in AZ. It'll be nice for Shay to stay in his room while he's gone since normally she has to either sleep with Angie or camp out in the easy chair. We're still working on getting her on disability (she's had her first denial and having trouble getting a lawyer to take her case) and into some housing and other forms of assistance. It's going to take some time, and it's not easy going for any of us - most especially for Shay of course. So continued good thoughts, advice if you have it to share, financial assistance if that's a thing you can do, etc. are still very welcome.

8. Cleo continues to show many symptoms of aging. She howls all the time, has clumps of fur coming off all over the place, and gets easily confused. But she's still her usual mischievous self - getting our attention any way she can for snuggles and occasional play time, so that's good. We're due for a vet check, but we're putting it off until January. I hope she'll be okay until then.

9. Physically, even without this cold, things are rough. Energy continues to be low. Pain continues to be high. I think my opiates aren't working as well - I think my tolerance levels have increased because not only is the pain worse but the constipation side effect has gotten better. I could live with the latter - but not when there is such poor pain control alongside it. Also, I'm getting more migraines than migraine meds per month. So my doc appointment on Monday should be interesting. He's usually so great about this stuff, but it's still scary to go in knowing I have to ask for more meds. blah.

10. But I am doing better emotionally. Things got a bit overwhelming for awhile there, and they still aren't exactly easy right now, but they're more stable. I've even had some success working on some PTSD issues on my own - some body acceptance exercises finally sunk in some important messages and have made me more comfy with my body. I need to keep going with it while I'm on a roll before I close back off again, but it's been pretty amazing. :)

That's enough for now and probably everything possible I have to talk about anyway!
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Hello and Happy T-Day to those who celebrate it [28 Nov 2013|02:37pm]
Hi LJ-land! Ugh, I really need to work on getting a routine down for checking and posting to online places. I seem to have finally normalized my tumblr experience enough that I've started doing my usual over there now too of missing a few days and then not coming back because I can't catch up so missing even more days and then stopping in briefly and then stopping again. Some day, I'll figure out how to just moderately stay connected to things instead of this weird all-or-nothing binge-and-purge style I've got going now.

ANYway, I know my last few posts here were emotional and sadface. I'm doing a little better on the emotional front now, though physically things are still very rough. I ... IDK, maybe I'll get more into all of that later but I wanted to at least stop by to do my traditional Thanksgiving list of things I'm thankful for post. And while some days it's easier to remember all of the things I'm NOT grateful for - there is still plenty of good stuff to make into a list.

1. My cat, Cleo. She's still hanging in there despite her old age and failing health. She does howl a lot now, but she still enjoys eating food and snuggling her people and even occasionally playing - which doesn't last long these days, but that she can still feel playful at all is so encouraging. Cleo is just the light of my life and if she has 10 years left or just 1, I'm incredibly blessed to have had her for as long as I have already.

2. My roommates and local friends who keep me sane and do so much for me - from keeping me laughing to running me on errands to bringing me yummy foodstuffs. I don't know what I'd do without them! They are as much my family as my family is and I'm just super lucky that they continue to put up with me.

3. My family. My amazing and wonderful mom and her kind and loving husband, my awesome brother and sister-in-law and their two kids whose presence and love keep me going on the hardest of days, my step-siblings who are such fun to be around, and more distant family members who I'm not as close with but who I know love me. I'm especially grateful that my brother and his wife and kids live close enough that I get to see them every few months and actually be a present aunt in my nieces lives, and also for my mom being close enough that I get to see her fairly regularly as well and that she's both willing and able to drive around picking me up and dropping me off for family get togethers despite the extra driving that entails. I so love to be able to see and spend time with folks, and it would be much harder to do without her help.

4. My other friends - long-distance friends who I'm either able to keep up with via online means or met in the first place through online means. You all mean so much to me, and I'm sorry I can be so crap at showing it sometimes. But I appreciate you all and all that you've given me over the years in friendship.

5. I'm very fortunate to have the assistance I need to live and support myself - disability and medicare, food stamps, roommates who don't mind my paying less in rent than they do and who share utility payments so I can actually afford cable and internet, and good doctors who understand my ailments and treat them responsibly and carefully.

6. I'm grateful that I got so many years of good therapy in before I became too disabled to get out much. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, as there are some things it would be good for me to be able to talk to a therapist about right now except for how I know I wouldn't be able to get out of the apartment to get to appointments reliably. But I'm still so fortunate because while it would be beneficial to do some therapy at this point, it's not a necessity. I got all that super necessary therapy work done already. And it taught me so many useful things that I can keep my mental health maintained fairly well on my own (and with meds). So thank goodness I managed to do all of that good work while I was still physically able to do so.

7. Speaking of which, I'm also really grateful that I packed in as many good experiences as I did before I became this disabled. Because while I can sometimes get grumpy and frustrated by how little I'm capable of doing these days - I still have so many wonderful memories of all the crazy stuff I did in my youth. I had a lot of fun and learned a lot of things and did a lot of cool shit and I'm really really glad for that.

8. And of course, despite all the things wrong with my health - I am still so incredibly grateful for the things that are right. I don't have many issues with internal organs and such. I always have really good blood pressure and cholesterol and things of that nature. I don't get sick with colds or flus very often, nor have I had any broken or sprained bones in my life. For such a sick girl, I'm fairly health. heh

9. I feel very fortunate that I've never really had to struggle with my gender or sexual identities. My family and friends have always been very open minded and compassionate people and as I've discovered more about myself (bisexual - no wait pansexual, polyamorous, genderqueer, etc.), no one in my life has ever told me that I was wrong about who I thought I was or told me that they didn't like who I was. It's always just been accepted and okay and I know not many people have that experience, so I know how lucky I am on that front.

10. I'm really really thankful for the winter holidays. I know for some people they cause more pain than joy, but for me there are salves for all of the things that hurt about winter itself. I don't know how I'd get through these cold dark months without Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years to look forward to and celebrate and enjoy. But even more than the holidays - I am so incredibly thankful that spring will always follow winter and that winter never lasts forever. I go into every winter reminding myself of that and it helps. It helps so much.

Christmas notes:

Lastly, I just want to quickly say that I've been organizing and updating my Amazon wishlist - including adding into the profile non-Amazon things. I honestly do this more for myself than anything else because it's so handy to have good lists of things I want and need (and I love making and organizing lists). But I like to mention it because someone inevitably each year will ask me what I want - and I never can think of things on the spot like that. So, please know that I don't expect anyone ever to get me anything, but that if you were one of those people who were planning to anyway - well, my list is organized and up to date. :)

Also, if you all are doing the "reply to this post if you want a card" thing this year - I, um, am probably not seeing those posts. But I love cards! So if you want to send me one and don't have my address, feel free to ask.

And also feel free to give me yours! (you can PM it for privacy's sake) I can't promise I'll get cards out this year. I haven't the last couple of years, and the the few before that were sent out late, but it's always a possibility and I DO like to send snail mail at any and all times of year when I have the energy - so yes. Drop me a line if you want to make sure I have your address just sort of in general (and conversely, if you know I have your address but for whatever reason you DON'T want anything sent out - lmk that too).

I guess that's all. I'm off this afternoon to spend the weekend with my mom and step-dad, and Saturday is the day the rest of the fam will be joining us for the big T-day feast and gathering. Hope you all have lovely weekends, and hopefully I'll be back sometime in the near future to touch base again and see what you've all been up to as well. Miss you!
2 comments|post comment

welp. [08 Nov 2013|09:08pm]
I can tell the PTSD is swinging up now.

Today, I was taking a shower, and the water happened to hit me in a way that sort of tickled (tickling is a HUGE trigger for me) and I flinched and screamed and got very upset.

Then, just now, my foot got stuck in the blanket I have wrapped around my legs and I almost had a full on panic attack - making it that much harder to get the foot loose - which panicked me even more, etc. Still working on getting my breathing back to normal.

Sooooo, how are you? (I am, of course, very behind on reading your posts)
8 comments|post comment

Rest in Peace, Holly [08 Oct 2013|04:29pm]
Wow, this is hard. I am, again, behind on reading but am in need of sharing here right now.

trigger warning for death, suicide, etc.Collapse )
19 comments|post comment

More TV Talk! [05 Sep 2013|08:09pm]
Returning shows for fall and beyond, canceled summer shows and shows that may or may not be coming back, and my fall TV schedule.

returning show premiere datesCollapse )

canceled or unsure if coming back or not showsCollapse )

Next, the fun part for my OCD, is going over the schedule and seeing what I'm gonna watch and record each night this fall! Keep in mind I'm one of those funky "central" time zone people, so my times might not match yours.

my scheduleCollapse )

There's also a long list of new shows slated to premiere in 2014 and beyond, but I'll wait a few months before getting into those.

Love to know what you all are planning to watch this season, so let me know!
4 comments|post comment

New Fall TV! [05 Sep 2013|05:43pm]
It's almost here - the new fall TV schedule! Who is excited? I am!

brief summary of each new show I'll be checking outCollapse )

I'll do another post later with returning show dates, overall schedule, etc.
8 comments|post comment

outings, me days, ocd rules [12 Aug 2013|09:27pm]
Today was a big day. Well, big day in me-terms, since mostly I just sit around and watch TV or read or play on the computer all day.

Earlier in the day, Shayla and I bussed to tenant resource center to get some forms for her to work on re: low income housing and transitional housing and stuff.

Then this evening, Shayla, Dave, Carrie, and I got to have dinner with my bestest friend Michelley and her friend Michelle. My Michelley has specific eye care needs that she sometimes has to come to Madison for (she lives in Oshkosh, which is an hour and a half-ish away) and so her friend Michelle will come with her to drive home since they do things to Michelley's eyes which means she can't drive herself home. It was so good to see the bestest, if even for a short time!

So that was two big outings in one day. And I think some time later this week, I'm getting a family visit (mom, bro, sil, nieces) which will be a big out-of-the-house active day, too. I'm very excited for that, but it does take a lot out of me physically.

And so, I have decided to take tomorrow as a Me Day. Not sure what I'll do yet - but I'm considering starting my Veronica Mars rewatch, which I've been itching to do ever since the movie was announced. I want to rewatch the series at least once before the movie comes out next year. So perhaps tomorrow I will marathon as much of that as I can. Or possibly, I'll finally sit down and start watching the Harry Potter movies. Or catch up on my reading. Or watch all of my favorite Buffy episodes. IDEK. I'm just happy that I'm taking a day off to do something or other fun.

Which still sounds silly to me sometimes based on how sedentary my life is. But, like, even if I only get one small thing accomplished in a day - I'm still spending that entire day on working up the energy to do that thing, doing that thing, and then resting up from having done that thing. And if I have the ability to do more things, then I spend the entire day working up the energy to do things, doing things, and resting up from having done things.

So the idea of taking an entire day off, once a month, where I have zero expectations for myself and can not have to worry about working up the energy to do things... it's just really nice. So if I DO have energy on a Me Day, I can do something fun that takes energy. And if I Don't, then I can do resting fun things. And even though I spend most of my every day doing resting fun things - it still makes a huge difference when I know I'm allowed to do those things and only those things. YKWIM?

I also give (most) all of my OCD rules and rituals the day off on Me Days. So, like, I can eat whatever I want whenever I want and I don't have to do a little ritual to decide which TV show I'm going to watch or how much of a book I'm going to read. It's this little freedom day of no rules, which is so happy making. And, like, I couldn't really function long-term like that, and sometimes by the end of a Me Day I start getting angsty and have to start abiding by the rules again - but it sure is nice to take some time off from them every now and again. [Like, I don't even know how to express to you all how many itty bitty rules I have for myself - they're so ingrained in me that even if I spent six hours listing them all off, I'd probably forget over half of them. I have a lot of rules, okay?]
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5 thing post [07 Aug 2013|07:55pm]
Well hello LJ - glad to see you're still here! I guess it's time for a five-point update.

1. Finally recovered from that cold, but the ears are STILL clogged up and all pressure-ey. So I set up an appt. with my pdoc to see if I have an infection or if maybe I should try one of those ear cleaning kits or whatever. That's not for another couple of weeks, though, so in the meantime, my ears feel funky.

2. I've been enjoying summer TV! Eventually, I'll make a bigger post about it, but here are some of the shows I've been most enjoying:

*Burn Notice - this final season is shaping up to be a whopper with so many guest stars I love like Jack Coleman and Alona Tal. Each week has me Freaking OUT.

* Camp - this Meatballs-ish show about a summer camp is really addictive. Rachel Griffiths is her usual stunning self in her role as the recently divorced single mom camp director.

* Covert Affairs - no spoilers, but the relationship entanglements this season are Killing me! Ugh! Moar plz.

* Fosters - wonderful little ABC Family show about a lesbian couple and their mix of bio, adopted, and foster kids. Mixed race family, dealing with all manner of complex issues from addiction to shadeism and the youngest kid in the family is a gender-non-conforming boy. I just ... ahhhhhh!

* Graceland - new USA show. I started out kinda meh on it, but am glad I stuck with it. It has had some terrific twists and turns!

*Pretty Little Liars - cracktastic as always. This season is doing a lot of mother-daughter exploration as well as blowing up the comfort of the main character's romantic relationships that had been solid last season.

* Siberia - fake reality show that gets WEIRD. This show is part Survivor, part Lost, and part Blair Witch Project. It's amazeballs.

* Teen Wolf - third season of this little gem and no, it has nothing to do with the 80's movie of the same name. It does do interesting things with turning the "male gaze" around on it's head and also has some kick ass female characters.

* True Blood - I'm a couple eps behind, but this season has had much that I've enjoyed so far. All I can really ask for is more of a storyline for Lafayette Please.

*Twisted - new one on ABC Family and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it yet, except that I dig how they don't quite let the audience know one way or the other if the main male lead is really a sociopath or not. Like, everything that happens could either be him being a stand-up guy or a really charming bad guy. WE DON'T KNOW!

3. Still enjoying exploring the world of tumblr. I kind of love it. There's a lot of pretty gif sets and vids and things of all of my favorite characters and ships. And people ranting about things I also like to rant about. And adorable kitten pictures. And pretty art pieces. And lovely fandom metas. And boys in dresses taking pictures of themselves. And the overarching tumblr community has this quirky sort of sense of humor that amuses me. It's kind of the whole package. Except for actually connecting in meaningful ways. But for that, I still have this place, so it's all good.

4. Shayla's been at Carrie's place all week, but will be back here tomorrow night, I think, for a few days.

5. Let's not talk about how I'm doing physically. Let's just ignore that for now.
3 comments|post comment

Post Two - Shayla [24 Jul 2013|05:52pm]
This is a help request post - mostly for local folks, but in general, as well.

My super good friend Shayla is struggling right now. She has health issues which have made working really difficult and eventually impossible, so she's taken a leave of absence from her job. She hasn't been able to pay her rent, and her landlord would not renew her lease, so she has to be out at the end of the month, which is just one week away now. She has no money, no income, nothing to fall back on.

She is working on applying for disability and friends are helping with temporary shelter for her until that comes through, which will likely be quite awhile. She needs financial help and help with other things and I'll include some links at the bottom of this for anyone who can help with that.

But the main thing is that she desperately needs a temporary foster home for her cats. She doesn't have internet access at home and can't afford a lot of minutes on her phone and frankly has a lot to do with very little energy with which to do it in a short frame of time, so I've been trying to help with finding resources for her.

I've been calling and emailing everywhere in town I can think of, put up a craigslist ad, and all of her friends have been posting around on FB and other sites trying to find someone who can take them in. I have a few more leads to follow myself, but it's getting very desperate.

Does anyone here have the ability to temporary home two wonderful cats for my friend while she works on getting stable housing again?? Do you know of anyone who can?? Do you have ideas of who else I can contact?? (already tried all of the shelters and foster agencies in town, some out of town, boarding places, a feral cat program, my vet's office, and am going to just start calling random vets and pet stores soon).

This is so important. She needs her kitties and they need her. We really really don't want her to have to surrender them to a shelter for re-homing. That would be such a tragedy. We just need a nice foster home to take care of them until she can do so herself again.

Please, if you can, spread the word. You can contact me directly for more info. Thanks.

To help financially, this is the fundrazr site.

She also needs help with her belongings: storage, moving, getting rid of some, etc. Most of us in her circle of friends are also physically limited, so some able bodies to help with the moving stuff would be much appreciated.

Mostly, though, these cats are top priority now. PLEASE let me know if you can help. Thanks!
8 comments|post comment

Post One - Me [24 Jul 2013|05:36pm]
I've not been around on LJ very much due mostly to general energy issues, but also I was gone a few days last week and then came home with a cold that's kept me extra fatigued and I've got some important projects taking what little bits of energy I've got. Somehow it's easier to skim/reblog things on tumblr and FB and the like. But I've been wanting to catch up.

Just doing a brief skim through of my flist here shows that some of you are having some major life things going on. I plan on going back and reading about that, but I'm prolly skim over most of the other less important-ish posts for now. Just FYI.

Nothing major to report about my own life right now, to be honest. I'm very very worried about a friend right now and that's gonna be my second post in a little bit, but in case anyone wants an update on me - I'll try and come up with some things to say.

1. So, yes, still fighting off this cold I caught. I'm thinking it might be a lingering infection from that cold I had back in January, but not sure. If the symptoms persist, I will call my freaking doctor. Which I hate doing so much. But if antibiotics can clear this up, that'd be a good thing.

2. Last weekend I had some family time - spent a day with my mom, bro, sil, and nieces. It was a short visit and I hadn't seen them in months, but we packed a lot in to a few hours and hopefully the next visit won't be too far off again. I miss those kids SO much. And they are growing so fast - especially monkeyniece who is starting second grade come fall. She is all arms and legs and hitting that sort of awkward stage of not being a lil kid anymore but not being an older kid yet. And flowerniece is still really shy upon first seeing us, but she warms up quicker and quicker each time.

Then I spent a couple days with my mom and step-dad, and the step-sibs and their mom came over for a day to visit. My step-bro and his long-time gf have gotten engaged, so there was lots of wedding talk, which is exciting. And my step-sis is working on her dissertation for her PhD now, which is also exciting.

3. My cat howls all the time and it makes me so sad. I know some of it is age-related, she can't hear much anymore and she gets disoriented sometimes. But I feel like some of it is pain stuff, too. She always howls after eating, drinking water, or using her litter box. I don't know how to make it better for her, and it sucks. :(

4. I've been feeling very isolated lately and frustrated with how my mobility issues affect my ability to socialize. If people don't come to me and drive me wherever we go, I can't do much of anything anymore. I have a close friend who isn't comfortable coming to my home much anymore due to allergies and she was one of my big social outlets. As noted, I'd gone a long time in between visits with the nieces until recently. I can rarely get out to social events that happen around town that people I know go to and invite me to. I can't get involved in groups of people with similar interests to meet new folks. I can't get to church or book club or even just, idk, to a store to wander around and see people to make eye contact with or whatever. I see my roommates and my one friend who comes and stays a couple of days at a time to visit and that's about it. I'm lucky to have that. But I still miss, so much, having more than that.

I find myself wishing all year that it was WisCon time again, because then I socialize non-stop for four days straight with mostly people I admire and who share my values and interests and it's so amazing. But it's only four days a year. And it takes SO much of my energy. And I live right here in Madison where a lot of the people who go to this con live and I could go to social events where they tend to hang and visit with some of them more frequently and stuff. Except that I can't. Because while I'm able to make myself go-go-go for a few days at a time for something like a con once a year... in my daily regular life, just making sure that my cat and I get our food and meds every day is about all I can manage.

Anyway, pity party for me. Sorry. Just stuff I've been feeling lately.

5. That and ... I want to be dating so badly. I want butterflies in my tummy and first kisses and cuddling on the sofa and getting to know each other on intimate levels and talking all night and all of that good stuff. But like. Even if I found someone who'd be compatible with me (which seems like an issue in and of itself these days), there's still the issue of my not having the energy to socialize. So. Dating = socializing, yea? Yea. Blah.

So that's a bunch of whining and complaining. And my next post isn't gonna be much happier. But I'll make a big summer TV post sometime soon, and that will be fun at least. :P

Please feel free to drop me comments with how you're doing and links to important posts I've missed. I'll try and suss them out myself, but it helps to get those! Thanks, and I hope you're all hanging in there.
8 comments|post comment

Rage Quitting Big Brother [03 Jul 2013|11:47pm]
My last post here was about how I was starting to blog about Big Brother, and the one before that was preparing everyone for my summer-long obsession with the show. But I think I'm done with it.

I don't know if any of you have heard, as it's been making headlines, but a rather large number of the houseguests (what the competitors of the game/show are called) on the show this year are spewing all manner of horrible, hateful, bigoted things.

Now, this is a reality show. And as I've mentioned before, there are live feeds with cameras and microphones recording these people's every move 24/7 and people are watching at home on their computers and talking about what they're doing online with one another. BB has a very active and inter-active fanbase. It's a unique sort of sub-culture, really.

And usually there's one or two people in a season of BB that have a random racial or homophobic comment here or there, as even the best intentioned people slip up at times. Sometimes, someone even throws a disturbing slur directly at another houseguest. This usually causes lots and lots of drama and gets that person kicked out of the house (not by production, but by the other houseguests as part of the normal game play - basically the bigot gets a target on their back for eviction). Always, there is a lot of unchecked misogyny amongst many of the male houseguests - this gets commented on around the internet fan sites, but I guess that's just so common place that people rarely blink at it. One time, a houseguest (who actually won the game that season) got fired from a job working with people with disabilities due to using the r-word in a negative light on the show.

How the producers of the show handle these bigoted events varies depending on how the events fare in the overall narrative they are selling to the viewing public (those who only watch the show on TV and don't pay attention to all of this live feed/internet discussion stuff). Sometimes it fits, so they edit it in to the show, sometimes it doesn't fit so they don't. Sometimes it fits but the person who said the hateful remark is someone they are trying to sell as a hero of the story, so they edit it in, but shape the edit in such a way as to make it look less bad.


So, on to what's happening this season.

I'm not even sure how to get into this.

There are 16 houseguests this year and so far only 4 of them have yet to say something bigoted and only 3 of them have bothered to even half-way attempt a calling out of what they've heard.

I started typing up some examples, but I really don't want to traumatize all of you the way I've been traumatized with this. Suffice it to say [TRIGGER WARNING FOR RACISM/SEXISM/ABELISM/HETEROSEXISM: that there have been multiple racist jokes and epithets said behind the backs of the black and Asian women in the house, the n-word has been dropped a few times, multiple rape jokes by the guys, men calling women the c-word, straight people calling the gay man the f-word to his face in a joking manner, the r-word being thrown around willy nilly, one guy has defended Hitler and the Nazi's a couple of times, some of the guys have laughed about praying for one of the women in the house to get beaten up badly enough to be hospitalized, one woman using the word queer in a derogatory manner, one woman saying she was going to punch the Asian woman in the face to see if her eyes would straighten out, one guy who talks non-stop about being 1/16 Cherokee and perpetuates Native American stereotypes about scalping people and living in teepees, folks saying that the poc in the house were fake because they were "acting" white, and.... I could go on.

And THAT is my less traumatic version. So. Yea. And also, this is only the first week of what's an extended 90 day season this year.

I feel like in some ways this is fascinating microcosm example of how privilege works, right? In the past, when one person said a bigoted remark publicly in front of people who disapproved, it got blown up into a big deal and the person was punished for it. This season, however, these bigoted remarks are going unchecked. So the privileged folks saying these things continue to think that they are in the right, that they are being funny, that the audience watching them will approve - so they continue. And it gets worse. And worse. And worse. So, interesting social experiment perhaps, but sickening to have to listen to.

Fortunately, most of the internet has been up in arms about this. There's a petition going around to try and get the worst offender taken off of the show. The press has picked up on it, two of the worst offenders have been publicly fired from their jobs (they won't know this until they leave the house as they aren't allowed outside contact/news from the world at large), and there have been many tweets and tumblrs and FB messages and open letters on blogs, etc. asking CBS to address this in some way - whether it's taking the houseguests to task for their language, kicking the worst offenders out of the game, or even at the very least SHOWING in the show edits these people for who they really are.

So far, all CBS has done has said that they are certainly offended by some of the remarks of the houseguests and they surely don't represent their views and blah dee freaking blah. It's too early to tell whether they will show this stuff in a realistic light or not, but I'm starting not to even care.

The last straw for me came tonight, since one of the worst of the worst just won a competition (Head of Household, HoH) that ensures her safety for another week, and makes it likely that her cohorts will be safe as well. Which means at LEAST 2 more weeks of this (this week and next since she won't get evicted this coming week).

To top it all off, the chat that I'm a regular of - while full of some great people that I've become friends with over the years - is also full of a lot of apologists, trolls, and people who just find the whole thing funny or who rail against the "pc police" for wanting to "censor" "free speech." And I find myself just less and less able to sit in there and constantly have to explain to people super basic things like RACISM IS WRONG and RAPE JOKES ARE WRONG. I can do that a few times a day, sure. But not all day long. I just can't anymore.

And I ... just don't think I can sit around and pay attention to these bigots any longer. It's not a fun experience for me anymore. I am not enjoying myself. The opposite actually - I'm stressed out and feel like crap.

So I'm done. With the show. With my chat that I've been a regular of for years. Possibly with the fandom as a whole. I've written to the runner of the site I started blogging for and apologized, offered to write one more post, but said I'm done.

I feel the need to write up some last summations of my decision, like this, on a few sites. And then ... I don't know... I guess I'll relax and settle in to watch my other TV shows and actually continue catching up with my non-BB friend's lives all summer for a change. It feels a little bit like freedom.
6 comments|post comment

I, Blogger [27 Jun 2013|06:05pm]
Soooooo.... you know how I'm really obsessed with Big Brother?

Well. I noticed a fan site (not one I was already familiar with) was asking for volunteer writers. And I volunteered. And now I am officially blogging about BB on a fan site. I ... dunno. It's kinda weird. I've only ever done personal blogging before. So I hope I'm doing a good enough job.

We decided I'd focus on episode recaps and I'm doing one right after the episode airs (what I'm calling my quick and dirty just the facts ma'am post) with just lists of the important info, and then one within the next 24 hours with more content, commentary, and collections of things former BB contestants have said around the web (BB is an active lil community with many of it's alum being big fans of the show themselves who tweet, blog, and even have podcasts and vlogs about the show themselves).

Yep, so that's a thing I'm doing now. And feeling weird about. Because maybe I suck. Or IDK. Stuff.

Anyway. The website is and I'm writing under "sophb", which is the handle I use around the various BB fan sites and chats and forums (and YES okay I participate in a lot of these shut up).

If you're interested, check it out. But I understand if you're not. Mayhaps you'll check it out anyway so you can give me some con crit on my writing? Check me for typos, lmk if I goof something up or sound ridiculous or w/e.

In other news, the biggest part of my BB fan experience is back in full-swing, which is this chat room I've been frequenting for a few (6) years. There's always lots of drama and it can get even more intense than the show we're supposedly there to chat about at times, but it's also a lot of fun. Usually. Until it isn't anymore. And then I become a dramallama myself. And then I need a time out. And then the show is over anyway and most of us go to our separate corners for nine months. Right now it's all happy like a big dysfunctional family reunion, but I know the trolling and in-fighting is gonna start soon. I guess it's to be expected by a group of people who are primarily tied together because of our love for a show that's all about people shoved into a house in the hopes of creating drama. heh
1 comment|post comment

Big Brother and other obsessions that keep me going... [21 Jun 2013|07:17pm]
This is your official warning that Big Brother season is upon us and I will either be totally absent or present but talking only about BB from now until September. I apologize.

Roomie Angie has observed that my year is basically built around my various obsessions and she's totally right.

Basically my year goes something like this:

- post-holiday winter slump
- brief glimmer of excitement over midseason TV schedule
- complete obsession over Fandom March Madness
- normal stage of either late winter slump or early spring renewal of energy depending on weather and other factors
- complete obsession over WisCon with a little side excitement over summer TV schedule
- post-con slump
- Big Brother complete obsession freak-out time
- which leads directly into excitement over fall TV schedule since they overlap a lil
- then late fall slump
- then excitement over holidays

So, my basic seasons are: Depression, TV, Fandom, Depression/Spring, WisCon and TV, Depression, BB, TV, Depression, Holidays.

I notice a pattern here, do you?

When I'm not actively obsessed with something - I get depressed. I guess it's good that I have so many obsessions, then, right? And it does make sense since my life is, let's face it, kinda blah most of the time. So I find things to get excited about, my OCD goes into overdrive, and then when the thing is over, I get sad and mopey again.

At any rate, I HAVE been in a bit of slump (which I've been mitigating with my newfound Tumblr obsession) and I'm looking forward to my manic obsessive BB fandom stage now.

I've got all my fave BB sites open up in my tabs, I'm reading all the news and gossip, watching the various cast interviews, getting back in touch with my BB chat buds who I seem to only socialize with during BB season, and am just generally all pumped up.


I know a lot of you do not get this obsession. It's so different from some of the other things we may share in common. I might make some meta posts explaining why I'm such a sucker for this show, but even then - I don't really expect you all to get it.

Just know that it makes me happy and keeps me from having a major summer-time slump, okay? :)
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